Good Qualities of Husbands and Wives

Once I attended a conference where a preacher shared his experience of understanding the instructions given to wives and husbands in Eph 5:22-33. The preacher was from an ordinary male-dominated family. His father was the ‘boss’ of the family and his idea of a family life was that the husband should be the leader of the family. 

But his wife was from a religious and loving family. She expected love and care from her husband. But the preacher with his preconceived idea of marriage, began to boss over his wife. The result was misunderstandings, disagreements, and arguments. It is often ended with conflicts and tears. 

One day the preacher attended a marriage where a man of God spoke on the Biblical teaching of marriage from Eph 5:22-33. The man of God shared that the wife must not only submit to her husband, but also respect and obey him. The preacher noted down these instructions to bang his wife, when she will argue and fight with him next time. 

Then the speaker went on to say that the husband should love his wife like Jesus Christ who loved the Church and gave Himself for it. The preacher had tasted the love of Christ in his personal life. So when he heard that he should love his wife like Christ, he found that he was not loving his wife as he ought to love her. The Lord convinced him that he should love his wife with all her shortcomings and weaknesses and it should be like Jesus Christ.

On that day he yielded his ‘ego’ to the Lord and committed himself to love his wife always. The misunderstandings and conflicts decreased in his family, because of his obedience to the Biblical principles of relationship in the family. Let us consider the instructions to wives and husbands as found in Eph 5:22-33.

• Instructions to wives:

1. To submit to their own husbands: “Wives submit to your own husbands as to the Lord” Eph 5:22. In this commandment there is no verb. So this verse must be interpreted in the context of the previous verse which says that all family members should submit to one another. In this passage there is no commandment for the wife to obey her husband, whereas this passage commands children to obey their parents and servants to obey their masters. So the submission of wife to her husband should not be slavish submission. The wife is not inferior to her husband, since she is also created in the image of God Gen1:27. Hence the husband is the head of the family, his wife is his partner. Function wise the wife must submit to the headship of her husband. This relationship will eliminate most of the problems in marriage.
2. To be subject to her husband in everything: The Bible says, “Therefore first as the Church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything” Eph 5:24. This verse deals with the status of the wife in the family. It says that wives must be submit to their husbands in ‘everything’. This verse does not permit wives to boss over their husbands. The Church is subject to Christ. Similarly the wife must also be subject to her husband in ‘everything’. Then most of the problems in our family life will cease.
3. To respect her husband: The last instruction to the wife in this passage is that the wife must see ‘that she respects her husband’ Eph 5:33. This verse deals with the attitude of the wife to her husband. Respect means considering ‘as high’ or ‘give special regard’. In the Bible the word ‘reverence’ is used, with the meaning ‘to be in awe of’ or ‘to put in fear’. The wife must respect her husband with reverence. It calls wives to respect their husbands even if they do not love them or they are harsh with them. The Bible teaches that the husbands can be won by ‘the conduct of their wives’ I Pet 3:1, 2, only when the wives give due respect to their husbands. The wife who respects her husband will not mother over her husband or guide and direct her husband.

• Instructions to husbands:

1. To love the wives: This is a commandment given twice in this passage. ‘Husbands love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for it’ Eph 5:25, 33. Jesus loved the church and He gave Himself for it. Similarly, the husband must love his wife and give himself to his wife. The Greek word used for ‘love’ in this passage is ‘Agape’. It is self-giving and active and divine love on behalf of others. The love shown by the husband to the wife must be equal to the love of Jesus Christ to the Church or to a child of God. If the outcome of love written in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 is practised by a husband, then there will not be any problem in the family.
2. To love, nourish and cherish wives and never hate them: “For no one hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, first as the Lord does the church” Ephesians 5:29. In most of the families, the love of the husband on the wife decreases, as the years pass on. He begins to develop bitterness towards her when he finds her to be below his expectations.

So the instruction in Colossians 3:19 is “Husbands must love your wives and do not be bitter towards them”. The husbands must love their wives, nourish and cherish them. They should never hate their wives for one reason or other. The Bible calls husbands to love, nourish and cherish their wives as they do their own bodies. 

To leave and cleave to his wife: The husband and wife are members of the body of Christ. So to have a happy married life, the husband “must leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and the two shall become one flesh” Ephesians 5:30, 31. In some families there are stresses and strains mainly because of partial leaving, and cleaving in the married life.