Strain less Family Life

God gave three important guidelines for stress and strain free married life, when He instituted the first marriage. “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife, and they shall be one flesh” Gen 2:24 (KJV). Indian tradition expects the bride to leave her home and establish either a separate family or a joint family. This is just opposite to what the Bible teaches in this verse.

Moreover this leaving, cleaving and becoming one flesh is quoted by Jesus in Mk 10:7, 8 and by St. Paul in Eph 5:31. So this is an important concept for happy married life. Let us consider these guidelines to understand why God gave such guidelines. This will also confirm our belief that the teaching of the Bible is practical and dependable. 

• The husband to leave his father and mother: I know a friend who stayed with his parents after his marriage. Of course they had a big house and he was also employed in his native place. So he considered it convenient and helpful to stay with his parents. Even before his marriage, he was very much attached to his mother and so his mother took his major decisions even after marriage. 

Whenever some misunderstandings arose between his mother and his wife, he was not able to stand with his wife. So his wife became dejected and felt unloved. This led to constant misunderstanding and strain in the family. His wife suffered silently, and it affected her health. They got relieved from these problems, only when they established a separate family. 

The first guideline for strain-free family life is that a man should ‘leave his father and mother’. This guideline was given in the Jewish culture where women were treated like servants. The prayer of a Jew in the morning used to be ‘God, I thank you that I’m not a gentile, a slave or a woman. Amen’. This guideline was beyond the Jewish culture and all cultures, because of its practicality and reality.

May the Lord enable our young men to leave their parents, not only physically, but also emotionally, mentally and in all respects to lead a happy married life. This does not mean that they should neglect their parents. It means that they should cut down the attachment and personal link with their parents and form a special attachment and link with their wives. 

• The husband to cleave to his wife: This is the second guideline for strain-free married life. Whenever I read about cleaving I am reminded of my friend, whose wife nearly became insane, because of his failure to cleave her. 

He worked in a hospital and was involved in the ministry. He married a believer. But he did not know that he had to spend time with her. In the morning he had his usual quiet time and then he went to the hospital. After lunch he used to have his brief rest and then went to the hospital. In the evening he went to colleges to conduct Bible studies and returned late in the night. He spent little time with his wife. His wife who stayed at home at that time felt lonely and insecure. She did not have the courage to share openly her problems with her husband.

She suffered silently and it led to partial insanity. Then only my friend came to know that his wife had become sick mainly due to his failure to spend time with her. Fortunately he also understood her deep needs and began to spend time with her.

In the Bible, the New King James Version uses the word ‘be joined (cling)’ to the wife. Be joined to wife means the responsibility of keeping the union together by spending time with her, and meeting all her needs. The Bible calls the husband not only to love the wife but also to nourish and cherish her. 

• The husband and wife shall become one flesh: The Bible says that ‘the husband and wife shall become one flesh’. It means that the union in marriage is permanent and indissoluble. The Greek and Hebrew words used for ‘flesh’ in this verse refer to the whole human being. So the union that ‘they shall become one flesh’ means more than sexual union. Hence the union in marriage is physical, spiritual and psychological in nature. This relationship is possible only in marriage and it is based on husband loving the wife and the wife yielding to her husband in submission.

Many marriages are linked only with sexual attraction. Such marriages will have problems when the sexual attraction gets weakened as the years pass by. So the union between the partners must be strengthened by spiritual and psychological interrelationships also. Spiritual union is the union of both the partners with Christ as the centre in their married life and the involvement in spiritual activities. Psychological union can be developed by spending time with each other and understanding the needs of each other. 

Jesus Christ also quoted these guidelines to insist on the permanent and irrevocable relationship in marriage. “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh; so then they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, let not man separate” Mark 10:7, 8, 9. May the Lord enable the husbands to leave their father and mother, cleave to their wives and become one flesh.